


This Is The Last Time

by Stovetony



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-25
Updated: 2016-05-25
Packaged: 2018-06-10 07:49:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,156
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6946315
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Stovetony/pseuds/Stovetony
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Where is the wolf, cousin?” Bella asks with a mad gleam in her eyes. As mad as her master, they say and boy, does she live up to rumours.</p>
            </blockquote>





	This Is The Last Time

**Author's Note:**

> The title from The National's song.

Our heads are bent down as we eat our rather poor dinner. We can’t bear to look each other in the eye.

He looks like he likes his peas and dry bread, he closes his eyes in bliss when he takes a gulp from his hot tea, making me cringe at the thought it must be burning his tongue. It reminds me he’s probably hasn’t had a warm meal, and my role in his suffering.

“Stop it,” he says abruptly and I look up to him in surprise, opening my mouth to ask what’s wrong when he huffs out an impatient breath. “Stop blaming yourself,” he says, shaking his head to himself, head bowed down to his plate once again, “It’s no use.”

I decide on that second I’d rather spend every day as a werewolf than to see how much I made him suffer. We. _Everyone he trusted._

I hear a snort and see he is done his meal. “Do you want more?” I choke out.

“Nah,” he mumbles. “I’ve had more than I had in a long time anyway. Can’t keep it in any more.”

“I’m sorry,” I start but he lifts his hand to stop me. “Don’t apologise, we did that already, remember?”

“Alright,” I mutter but I know it’s far from alright, that he can forgive treason from a best friend, a lover but can’t forget.

***

_I hear the faint pop of apparition and glance at the clock to see it’s 3 am. I don’t have to wait long for Remus to come into bedroom, closing my eyes to fake sleep even though there is no way he’ll be fooled by my ludicrous acting skills. I’ve never been a natural in this area._

_He is still careful not to make noise, slow to get in the bed. He stays on his side of the bed for a while, then scoots closer to throw an arm on my torso and to tangle our legs, trying to warm our stiff bodies despite the crippling cold outside._

_“I love you,” he whispers in my ear, while I still pretend to be asleep._

_I know, I want to say. This is real._

***

“I can’t believe Snape is a professor at Hogwarts,” he hisses, old, crippling hate dripping from his voice as he scrubs the floor viciously. “He should be isolated from society, not be given the jobs to terrorise poor kids.”

“He is an expert at what he does,” I say neutrally, placing the old books back to their original place, then add somehow hesitantly, “And Dumbledore trusts him.”

“Is this why you never wanted me interrogated with Veritaserum?” he asks with a strangely calm voice, not at all familiar, because Sirius has always been loud, impassioned. “Because Dumbledore didn’t trust me?”

I for myself to stare at his face but don’t say anything. I have nothing to say to make it easier for him.

***

_“Where is the wolf, cousin?” Bella asks with a mad gleam in her eyes. As mad as her master, they say and boy, does she live up to rumours._

_Soon, I think. It must be full moon. It can’t be more than a week since I came here. He’ll come._

_***_

“I’m sorry for costing you your job,” Sirius says one night as we watch an old movie we used to watch with Marauders.

I wave my hand, “I wasn’t going to last long anyway. No one does these days.”

“You’d thought old man would’ve found a way to break the curse after all these years,” he says with a bitter tone but I pay no attention to it. It’s kind of a miracle he isn’t trying to plot murder in order to revenge his lost years.

God knows revenge was the thing that got him out of Azkaban.

***

_“Where is the wolf, darling?” Bella drawls, and I cringe when I take a look at her face, dirty, pale. Just like a skeleton. Just like how I feel._

_I’m afraid something happened to him. I’m afraid I’ll spend rest of my days in this hell because he is the only one who can save me. I hate myself for putting myself before him._

_Dementors shriek, sensing my hopelessness, despair. I let them come._

***

“If something happens to me…”

“Shut up Sirius,” I say with a stern glance. “Don’t be so dramatic.”

“Just listen,” he rolls his eyes. “If something happens to me, promise me that you’ll move on,” he says softly, his eyes solemn but determined.

“Let’s just hope we will survive this war, Sirius,” I manage to say, and I’ll be damned if I let the tears flow down, it’s the last thing Sirius needs.

“Just promise me,” he insists, gripping my hand, looking me in the eye with so much fear, desperation that I have to say “yes”.

His whole body relaxes and lets go of my hand. “You promise too,” I say.

“No,” Sirius says like it can’t be even argued. I frown and shake his shoulders. “Promise.”

He kisses me to silence me and I would’ve gotten angry if he didn’t crown every kiss with his love.

***

_“Where is the wolf, Sirius?” Bella cackles, tongue darting out of her mouth as if she is trying to catch something from the air._

_Just like a dementor, I think._

_I don’t even care anymore about escaping this place. James and Lily are dead because of me, maybe I deserve this place. Maybe Remus thinks so too, or maybe he believes I am the traitor. I don’t even care._

_I just hope Harry is safe, happy._

_Dementors come but I don’t let them steal this away from me._

_I think of Peter._

***

“Do you really have to go?” Sirius asks, eyes on the wall behind me. “I want to stay,” I want to say but he is so full to pointless consolation, so I just sigh.

“Come then,” he whispers, his delicate hand stretched out to me. I don’t hesitate before I take his hand and I don’t object as he takes me to his bedroom.

It is not the first time I’m there with him but it’s the last.

_***_

_“Where is the wolf?” Bella screams, shaking the metal bars with all her might. I don’t even understand what she means, Remus is right here, can’t she see he is holding his hand?_

_She really must have gone out of her mind. I wish she were sane, so she could suffer more._

***

“Where is the wolf, cousin?” Bella laughs, taking Sirius by surprise like he is hit by lightning and I see it before it happens, green light spurted from his cousin’s wand hitting him square in the chest.

I hear Harry scream.

I watch.

He smiles. He is going to James.

***

I wait. And when death gets to me, I feel nothing but peaceful. “Take me to Sirius,” I plead and God, there he is.

I won’t be waiting anymore.


End file.
